Relationship Breakdown: A Man’s Perspective.
“I’ve lost the woman, the children, and the animals I love. I’ve always been the husband, the dad, the provider, the protector. Who am I now?” “Will I still get to see the kids? How will I make all this work?”
For many men, this is a painful reality and these are just a few of the difficult questions that surface after a marriage or significant relationship ends. Losing the daily closeness of a wife, partner, children—even pets—can be devastating.
It is also hugely unsettling when the family home, our secure base, is gone—and we’re faced with the reality of having to live in a room at a parent’s, friend’s, or sibling’s home. It taps into something primal in us: the instinct to create safe shelter, to fend for ourselves, to protect, to gather. The weight of this can leave us feeling vulnerable, stressed, lonely, and exhausted.
Loss and Loneliness following Separation
Many men haven’t lived alone for years—or ever—and the sudden shift can feel incredibly isolating. Friendships may have become sparse over time.
Research shows that men are generally less proactive in maintaining friendships, and much of our social interaction may have come through our partner’s network of friends and family.
A study by the Movember Foundation (2018) found that one in three men reported having no close friends they could turn to in a crisis, and many struggle to form or maintain friendships as they get older.
Finding a new home can also be a stressful and time-consuming process. Add that to an already broken heart, and the emotional energy needed to keep up appearances at work, and it’s no wonder so many men feel burnt out.
Then, when you finally do find a place to live, the new reality can hit hard.
“I’m by myself. I’m in an area I don’t know well. My routine is gone. And I definitely don’t want to tell my family that I feel this broken, alone, depressed—or in darker moments, suicidal.”
Being part of a family unit or living with a partner might have been the only thing holding many back from spiralling into addiction—alcohol, drugs, gambling. Life gets this tough, and without anyone to confide in about work stress, difficult parents, low self-esteem, or anxiety, it’s easy to lose footing, a sense of self and mental, financial and physical health can quickly deteriorate.
Sound familiar? So What Can You Do?
How can you stop yourself from falling into deep depression, suicidal thoughts, or self-medicating with alcohol or drugs?
Talking helps. First of all, if you feel able, talk to people you trust—people you feel safe opening up to. If this is not an option, then speaking to a qualified counsellor can be incredibly helpful. Trained to be impartial and non-judgmental, therapuetic counsellors can support you in gaining perspective, understanding what went wrong, and helping you regain your focus and identity. They can also help address a lack of friends and support, and help you build a new network.
Understanding the Patterns of Relationship
Through therapy, you may also discover patterns in the kinds of partners you choose or your own behaviour in relationships. Are you subconsciously drawn to people who aren’t actually good for you? Are you repeating relational dynamics you witnessed in childhood?
Often, we do this without even realising. A counsellor can gently point these things out—sometimes this insight alone can be life-changing.
A good therapist will also help you explore your own behaviours and how they may have contributed to the breakdown. It could be that you took your partner for granted, or became overwhelmed by the pressure of work and parenting and were unable to give your partner what they needed.
Gaining awareness can bring clarity, reduce guilt, and help you either repair the relationship or grow into a stronger, more emotionally aware version of yourself capable of future healthier relationships.
Regaining Control after Separation
A therapist can also support you with:
positive self-care strategies
weekly goals to rebuild routine and confidence
managing and moving through feelings of guilt and self-blame
reclaiming your decision-making capabilities and rebuilding a support network
And if you are one of the 3% of men aged 16 and over who were victims of domestic abuse in 2024/25, a good therapist can help you understand this experience behaviour, help set post-separation healthy boundaries, and work with you to support healing and recovery.
Start Healing: Speak With a Men’s Therapist Today
If you feel you could benefit from speaking to an experienced men’s counsellor or therapist, please do get in touch:
Andrew Abernethy Therapy, specialist in men's mental health, relationship breakdowns, and identity support.
Get Support
If your need is more urgent and you are feeling like you need immediate support, it's important to tell someone. Help and support is available right now if you need it. You do not have to struggle with difficult feelings alone. These free helplines are there to help. They’re open 24 hours a day, every day.
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